Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
