Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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