i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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