How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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