It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
