I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
