If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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