I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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