he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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