Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
