separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
