Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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