wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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