If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
