Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
