remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
