I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize