I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
