I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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