Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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