The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize