This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
