My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
