it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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