He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
