The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
