Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it was like eating out sand paper
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
