She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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