Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize