i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
