i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
