Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My pussy is not your playground.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
