when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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