How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
