I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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