MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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