end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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