yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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