No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
