Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Me too!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
