rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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