Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
