I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
