I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pants are for mortals
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
