we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
