it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's always time for handjobs
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize