So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
