At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
