She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
