College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize