we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
