my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This is the high leading the old right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
