lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
