How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
