The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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