The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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