I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
