shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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