I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
