Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
