My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The feeling are messing with the penis
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
