I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
