I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
