So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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