he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
