why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
