I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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