Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so let's talk penis.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
