and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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