What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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