I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
