i wish my penis had a tongue
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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