I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
