Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
