he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
