when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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