i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize