Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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