you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
