my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
