Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't put those talents on a resume
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
