I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
