Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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